Mum Moments

So I sit here and contemplate another birthday with my mum in spirit.

I have developed a beautiful relationship with her which truly transcends life on earth. We talk, we chat and signs present everywhere which have helped me to know our relationship is strong and lives forever.

Yet I still long at times for her physical presence, I still long for her to walk up the pathway and for her to be here and hug me when I need one.

It is strange at times for it to be like this. Yes, we have such a wonderful relationship yet I still ache for her ...

Holidays are a great place to come home to the heart.

Port Douglas for 7 days. A dream holiday to escape winter.

Yes I did it… we drew on the 'FI Account' and booked a last minute deal with only 5 sleeps till we stepped on the plane and arrived at our beautiful tropical apartment with all the comforts we needed and literally a 2 minute walk to the beach.

All I wanted to do was relax by the pool, walk along the beach, swim, read my book and share the experience with John. We were in our own pocket of Paradise; so content cooking delicious meals on the BBQ, sipping

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Okay ... Today is one of those days when "I miss my mum". Can you relate?

Late last night my 94 year old mother-in-law was taken by ambulance from her nursing home to hospital with pneumonia.

In simple terms she is fragile and life is day by day. In reality life is day by day for us all. There are many twists and turns in life and I know the best I can do is value each moment.

As I write I am reminded of a favourite saying of mine: "I ask for help and guidance as I continue to follow the pathway for the benefit of my highest good and the highest good of all concerned" - author unknown.

So tonight I will burn a candle and wish for the best outcome without knowing just what that is.

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My mother collapsed yesterday and the doctor was called. She lives in a retirement village in Sydney and I live in Melbourne. My sister rang with the news and provided updates as the doctor decided hospital was a good idea and an ambulance was called.

Pneumonia in her right lung is the diagnosis with assurances she is in good hands. My sister is keeping tabs on everything.

Its moments like this when reality sweeps in and bites you on the bum. While my mum doesn’t have a lot to say about much of anything she is still my mother, the woman who raised three children and looked after us as best she could. The fact she herself is the result of an over domineering father and a soft pampered mother who couldn’t

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"I hate Mother’s Day", I heard someone say ...

Mother’s Day is different for everyone. Whether you are a mother or a child your relationship with your own mother is a personal connection like no other.

I know if your child or mother has died then Mother's Day brings out the emotions and can trigger so many different feelings including: "I hate Mother’s Day".

Mother’s Day has definitely changed for me since my mum died. But I have actually changed my perspective and can now say: "I love Mother’s Day". I love it as a mother and I love it as a daughter.

Yes,

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By John Taylor

Years ago I was in a working relationship with a group of young men who, like myself, had dreams of taking our adventure to the highest levels possible. Unfortunately it all came crashing down when a principal person decided he wanted to separate the group and a couple of us were left stranded.

It hit me very hard, to say the least. In fact, it hit me so hard I stopped doing something I had a passion for simply because I was full of so much frustrated anger and blame towards this person, feelings I have carried for the ensuing 33 plus years. In hindsight it includes feelings of dis-empowerment:

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Two and a half weeks ago I was living my mission one step at a time. The essence of me was shining brightly. I felt good. I felt challenged. I felt willing to continue on my pathway guided by my intuition.

And then ... for the last two weeks I've been stuck in my childhood perceptions of 'who I am' completely depleted of the 'inner knowing of the love that I am'.

I was triggered by a comment made by another person in my birth family about me. This trigger was so, so deep it penetrated way beyond the surface of the ‘me’ that loves and accepts me as I am and delved into the deep dark corners of blame,

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Yes, I know ... nobody needs to remind me.

It's the 17th February 2016 and 5 years ago I was preparing for the inevitable. A decision was pending. There was a decision to be made. And a few days later the decision was made to turn off my mum's life support on the 20th February 2011. She died 4 hours later.

Oh, the word ‘death’ ... what does it mean?

It means many things to different people and I have my own answer that has evolved, grown and continues to change over the minutes, hours, days, weeks, months and years since the words "my mum died" were first uttered.

I

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I've been sharing my story on Facebook now for nearly two years to help others who are grieving for the loss of a loved one. My page has now passed 8,000 likes and that makes it worth getting up every single day.

Why you say?

It’s about the people behind the likes and how my page helps them.

It all began with my first book: ‘MUM MOMENTS – Journey Through Grief’. On my Facebook page I shared excerpts from my grief journals and invited others to share their thoughts and feelings. Those who read my words said “I gave them permission to feel” and helped them realise they were not alone. Knowing my words supported others in their grieving process is heart warming.

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Okay ... I was caught up in some grief a friend is experiencing right now and somehow our conversation about something unrelated triggered responses that left us both feeling awful, like wounded children.

It became clear to me I needed to step out and go for a walk. I listened to my inner voice guiding me and went for that walk.

I began sobbing and sat down and wrote down exactly how I was feeling and by the time I had finished I felt a sense of calm.

Being human means we often have unresolved pain wounds which can be triggered by all sorts of things. In my experience they can be triggered in conversations that are often not directly related to the pain. I have found that stepping away from conversations

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As I sit in the sorrow of the loss of life in Lebanon and Paris through the act of terrorism in the last few days I observe a love so deep in my heart that cannot be destroyed by these senseless acts.

At times this is more easily said than done.

Sometimes the pain inflicted by human beings on each other is so deep that it feels impossible to find my way through. The darkness is so overwhelming that I feel like sobbing. I feel it is impossible to move this pain and I allow myself to sit and write the pain.

As I write I know in my heart there is a way through and all I have to do is open to Love

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Here we go again ... the words that can trigger reactions around the world ... 'Holidays' ... 'Christmas' A time of celebration for many. A time of pain for those grieving for the 'happy family syndrome', a situation that doesn't exist for everyone … and for those grieving the loss of a loved one.

My immediate family I love and cherish, and while we

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by John Taylor

This past week I have been feeling so very heavy. It’s like I am in the middle of soft padding that envelopes me from way deep inside.

My sister died and that’s what it is. She wanted to go and was so looking forward to the journey. Her Angels/Guides have helped her by cushioning us from the immediate grief. I believe they have done this so our emotions don’t get in the way of her passing. That’s how I feel it, anyway.

To understand that statement you really needed to have known my sister. Not just a shallow ‘Hi, how you going” acquaintance

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A whirlwind of emotions and feelings are presenting as my 60th birthday draws close.
Last Thursday I received a phone call to say my Dad's heart condition has deteriorated and the earliest they could operate is this Friday which is my birthday.

My sister in law died on Saturday night 4 weeks after being diagnosed with incurable cancer.

My 'Living in the Moment' way of life is challenging me to embrace it all.

In the early hours of this morning I had a dream where I was sitting in a cafe and my mum walked past. I called her in, we had a huge, beautiful hug and she let me know she is

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