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MAKING AMERICA GREAT AGAIN

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  • MAKING AMERICA GREAT AGAIN

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    FEMALE JOURNALIST: We are very fortunate to have in our studio here at CBS, Republican presidential nominee, Donald Trump. Mr. Trump.


    TRUMP: Please, call me Donald.

    JOURNALIST: Ok, then Donald. I believe you finally, will disclose exclusively on our show tonight, how you are going to make America great again.

    TRUMP: Yes I will Tracy. You donít mind me calling you Tracy do you?

    JOURNALIST: Actually I do. Itís not my name. Iím Lauren. You can call me Lauren.

    TRUMP: Lauren. I love that name. Let me state at the very beginning Lauren that I love women. In fact, I love as many of them as I can.

    JOURNALIST: If we can get straight to the matter at hand. The plan you intend to implement to make America great again.

    TRUMP: Speaking about implants. Are yours real, or are they implants? With a great set like that youíll be a winner at Flushing Meadows or Wimbledon.

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    JOURNALIST: Please Donald. Not implant. Implement. Your economic plan?

    TRUMP: OH. OK Lauren. My plan is simple, effective and foolproof. Iím worth billions and billions and, most of it actually, is other peopleís money. By the way, an attractive young thing like you could do a lot worse than to end up with a sugar daddy like me.
    Anyway. Iím loaded. If we werenít on national TV Iíd say Iím fucking loaded. Iím so rich I donít know what to do with it half the time. Thatís why I decided to run for the presidency. Costs a fucking fortune. Great tax dodge, and if Iím good at anything, IĎm good at dodging taxes. Declare my campaign costs as a loss and Iíll be able to buy the White House, knock it down, and build a politically themed casino, with a high end brothel on the side.

    JOURNALIST: Please. Your economic plan to make America great again.

    TRUMP: Oh that! Simple. Whenever I fuck up I get myself declared bankrupt and pay 3 cents in the dollar. Have a look at us. Weíre fucked financially. China already owns half of America. We tell them we canít pay. Get ourselves declared bankrupt as a nation. Pay our creditors 2 cents in the dollar. Thatíll get us out of debt and closer aligned with the Chinese.

    JOURNALIST: But Donald, you canít do that.

    TRUMP: Why not? Weíre on the way out. China and Russia are on the way up. Letís join the Philippines and separate from the American sphere of influence and link up with China and Russia. Love Putin. Great golf buddy of mine, and as for the Chinese Premier, Iíll name a mahjong room after him in one of my casinos and thatíll win him over.

    JOURNALIST: But we canít separate from America. We are America.

    TRUMP: My first wife said Iíd never be able to separate from her. Well, I left her and linked up with a Russian. Havenít looked back since. By the way, Iím normally a tits man, but you have great legs.

    JOURNALIST: Your economic plan sounds a bit flimsy. We need more than that if you expect us to vote for you.


    TRUMP: Of course thereís more. If any nation disagrees with us, except for Russia or China of course, we bomb the crap out of them. Turn their cities into piles of rubble, then charge them a fortune for our companies (many of them mine) to rebuild their devastated cities. Imagine it. A Trump Casino, Trump Tower and Trump Golf Course in every city in the Middle East, Latin America and Africa within a decade.

    JOURNALIST: We already do that Donald, except for the bit about Trump. I think Dick Cheney may have something to say about that last bit.
    Before we close, how do you feel about claims youíre a racist?

    TRUMP: Wrong. Wrong. Wrong. Iím not a racist. In fact, some of my favourite restaurants are Mexican! So there!!

    JOURNALIST: I think we have enough. Thank you for your time, and good luck.

    TRUMP: A pleasure Lauren. Speaking of time. If I can have 3 minutes of your time after the show. You can see I donít have much self control. 3 minutes should be all Iíll need.

    The following day new polls come out slamming Trumpís economic plan. His ratings plummet to record lows
    Donald Trump releases a statement.

    The things I allegedly said yesterday, I totally deny. Not true. Wasnít me. Wasnít there. Ask Alec Baldwin what he was doing last night.
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