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Footy Follower
13th June 2012, 01:19 AM
Greetings fellow footy heads, welcome to the Toorak Times football page, i am the Footy Follower, but you can call me whatever you like, as I am a Collingwood supporter that could be many things, particularly if you support the navy blue filth, but please don't get personal, statistically It's almost inevitable that this page would be written by a Pie, as, of course, we are the most popular sporting club in the world! Rumour has it Eddie is scouring the entire universe so that soon we will be able to claim the title of "most popular sporting club in the universe"! Frankly i think we could claim it anyway, who's going to dispute it? And if Kang from The Simpsons lobbed into town we'd soon have him signed up and sitting behind the goals with the cheer squad, he'd fit right in!

http://www.tooraktimes.com.au/images/imported/2012/06/209.jpg

So, the season thus far..

We'll start with the ladder leader at the time of writing, Collingwood. Decimated with injury they have responded well to the urgings of their supreme leader "tafkafigjam". A few words about him, out from beneath the yoke of that eccentric Malthouse he has turned Magpie press conferences into articulate and reasoned musings on the vagaries of form and luck, it's a pleasure to not cringe at the sight of our coach, happy days! Fielding six debutants so far they have had some luck, notably against the Bombers and Cats, but have also played some inspired footy, the victory against the Crowbots a stand out. Scott (silk) Pendlebury leads the charge, such balance and poise, Swanny go's about his biz, youngsters Sidebum, Beams, Blair and Fasolo performing consistently and Sharrod Wellingham, some of his work is breathtaking, a reasonable run with injuries will see the Pies round about the mark come finals, and just imagine if big Travis could learn to kick for goal!

Sydney; a real asset to the competition, clearly not good enough to win the flag they have performed the role of spoiler with aplomb. Their belting of the Squawkers in Tassie a highlight, cutting the Bombers down to size another filip for the integrity of the competition..made up mostly of no-names they are a team to be admired, but not feared. Still, other clubs would love to have their work ethic, testament to the "no dickheads" policy attributed to former coach Paul Roos, go swannies!

West Coast; clearly there is still some sort of substance abuse happening there, how else do they get so fucking big!? Worsfold was gone as a coach, Kerr and Cox shadows of their former selves..then, somehow..still, they've been very consistent, but the loss to the Bombers is evidence of their fragility. Entertaining to watch at times, particularly when Nicnat gets amongst it, if they get a couple of home finals they could give it a shake, but i hope not, i get driven nuts by all my sandgroper friends for tickets when they make it, parochial bastards!

Essendon; as a Pie I cannot countenance the thought of a good Bomber team, so I won't! They will not finish top four, Alwyn Davey will not continue to perform like a good player, Crameri has been "worked out" and no team with a player called Bellchambers has ever won the flag. Plus we can always count on the Bombers getting ahead of themselves, some of the nonsense I've heard from supporters..and when your biggest on air urger is Harry high pants (M. Lloyd for the unwashed) what hope have you got? Sure they have a "name" coach, but he is not the messiah, if he was he wouldn't need Bomber Thompson looking over his shoulder, and don't worry, Bomber is after the top job, why else would he spray Hirdy with coke!?

Adelaide; it seems that Neil Craig left them with a reasonable list, which is in rude health, but, um, what is the name of their coach? Whatever his name he is no Malcolm Blight. Blessed with a dream draw by the AFL, obviously concerned about the demise of the game over there, they are almost certainties to play finals, and with characters such as Dangerfield and, and, um, Johncock (haha) they will be competitive, but only diehards could consider them a threat. Oh that's right, Sloan, a good Upwey boy, and, ah yes, the coach, Sanderson, sounds like a name George Costanza would make up.

Hawthorn; I've seen the squawkers a few times this year, and seriously cannot understand why they are rated so highly. Sure, players like Franklin, Rioli, Roughhead (how appropriate) and Lewis are very good, but they are a bottom of the eight team, and even if Hodge can get back to his very best they are still not up to it. When your best big defender is about 6 foot 2 (Gibson), what hope do they have of winning against the big boys of Collingwood and West Coast? Yep, none!

Geelong; the pussies still have an aura, and they have been unlucky at times, but until they can beat poor teams, like North, they can't be taken seriously. Still combative though you have to admire them, and they have some good young players, but, no Ottens, no Geelong. Johnson can still excite, and Bartel is the ultimate pro but Chappy has lost a yard, Mackie is being shown up, Corey is gone, and Scarlett, although performing admirably by belting that turd from Freo, cannot be expected to hold it all together forever, still, they really were a great side at their best, Vale cats!

To be continued.